Mumbai: In groundbreaking research that has sent shockwaves through the healthcare industry, investigators at the Quackdoses Multispeciality Hospital (QMH) have concluded that surgeons possess the highest levels of hyperinflated egos among all medical specialties, with cardiologists and plastic surgeons coming in a close second and third, respectively. The findings have already sparked outrage across hospitals, with several other specialties protesting that they were more deserving of the top spot.
The stereotype of the “arrogant surgeon” has long been woven into hospital folklore. While confidence, decisiveness, and composure under pressure are indispensable qualities inside the operating room, the authors of the study suggest that a select group of surgeons have elevated their egos into an advanced super-specialty.
According to the report, many participants appeared convinced they had already established the diagnosis before the patient had even taken a seat, merely tolerating the history-taking as a formality to confirm what they already knew.
In an exclusive interview with Quackdoses News, Dr. Kabhi Mat’bann™, CEO of QMH said, “During a recent AI conference organized by us, a robotic surgeon refused to leave the stage because the final slide of his presentation—a photograph of himself proudly peering into the Da Vinci surgical console—failed to appear due to a projector malfunction. The audience waited patiently while the technical team connected another laptop. Only after the photograph was finally displayed did the surgeon graciously agree to conclude his talk. At that very moment, we realized we had just witnessed a phenomenon worthy of scientific investigation.”
According to unconfirmed hospital sources, the proposal received unanimous approval from the hospital’s Ethics Committee in under 30 seconds. Coincidentally, every committee member was either a physician or an anaesthesiologist. The committee clarified that the rapid approval had nothing to do with professional bias and everything to do with “respecting the investigators’ impeccable clinical judgment.”
The Association of Scalpel Enthusiasts dismissed the study outright and released a press statement saying, “Surgeons don’t have hyperinflated egos; we just happen to be right 100% of the time—except for the rare occasions when the anaesthesiologist insists the patient isn’t fit for surgery.”
