Disclaimer: I request readers to attentively read the article to understand the hazards of being a highly qualified doctor and the dangers of long years of dedicated study in one’s lifetime. We urge the readers to recognize the grave dangers that this profession poses in our lives. All these points are to be considered in mind when analyzing the recent events.
Mumbai: In a surprising turn of events, well known Dr. Vasooli Raja, MMBBS (Masters in Bachelor of Medicine and Bacha in Surgery),MDD, FRCPS (Usa-ulhasnagar) protested in front of the university building today morning threatening to be on a hunger strike till his demands were met. Keeping his chubbiness, his size and energy reserve in mind, the government was sure that the fast would go on indefinitely finally giving in to his demands within 10 hours.
Dr. Vasooli in his statement to The QuackDoc said, “I have spent so many years studying as a doctor, I did not get the time and opportunity to meet someone and get married. I blame the government and university for keeping me this busy and unless they fix my problem, I will not be serving my rural stint bond or pay the bond amount either.”
Eager to appease him and other medical professionals, the government agreed to help him get married. Accordingly, the following measures were taken and the following ad booked on the first page of your favourite online medical journal The QuackDoc Medical Times of India.
“WANTED – Fair, Beautiful, rich bride for 40 year old fat, bald, experienced doctor. Personal characteristics of Groom include –Age – 40 years Height – 5’8” Weight – 127 kgs (280 lbs.) Relationship status- Virgin
Qualifications – MMBBS, MDD, FRCPS, FACNKS, FACCPS, FISMS, FRCRIS, FALTU (Specialist in Cardiac, pulmonary, nephrology, radiological medicine and surgery). Has plenty of money, big house in Antop Hill, 3 cars including Fiat, lots of servants at home, 3 married sisters with kids of their own, mom who has diabetes, hypertension, hypothyroidism, cirrhosis, renal failure, occasional TIAs, CHF, varicose veins, pulmonary TB but is otherwise healthy. He also owns farmhouses in Nallasopara. Does not have any bad habits apart from smoking, drinking, drugs and gambling.
Looking for nice, caring, rich, beautiful, sexy, educated girl who will be willing to share his beautiful life with him. Interested female applicants may present themselves to Mumbai University of Jhol Health sciences on Monday, Feb 31st to meet him and participate in Swayamvar where he will choose only one worthy bride.”
After this very desirable ad was put up, there were a few aspirants who turned up for the swayamvar. Dr. Vasooli decided to ask them questions to find out how suitable they were for marrying him. The following are the few bites of the swayamwar, for full story, tune into Sony Tv.
The first contestant was the famous Poonam Pandey, aspiring actress and model. She sat before Dr. Vasooli and crossed and uncrossed her legs 20 times.”Why don’t you have your own hospital yet? Aren’t you highly qualified?”, she asked.
“Madam, I will start my own hospital as soon as I finish studying. Right now, I’m only 40 years old and have been studying for only 23 years since the age of 17. I want to be fully qualified by the time I start practicing and believe that I will be able to do so by the age of 50. I will be an experienced doctor before I start practicing itself.”
“Will I be able to lead my regular lifestyle after we are married?” asked Poonam.
“Sure. I will get you the best sarees and clothes and get you attendance and invitations to the most fun parties. But I won’t be able to attend them since I will be busy. Of course, we will be able to go to discos at 1 in the morning after you feed my nephews and nieces and change their diapers and give my mom all her medicines and change her catheters and stuff. We will have a great life together.”
Poonam then left saying, “We will get married the day I pose naked after India wins the football world cup.”
Famous TV queen Ekta Kapoor came in next and said, “Hi! I’ve heard about you. ‘m not here for the swayamvar but I would like to make a serial about your life and skill. It will be called ‘Vasooli Ki Kkklassic Kahani.’ I will cast Ram Kapoor in the lead role as your character. Of course, he will have to put on a lot of weight to resemble you and fit the role.”
Sagar, the compounder to Dr.Vasooli stood up to speak, “Well, Vasooli, we have come to the final candidate. She is someone you have known since your days at Sion Hospital and I believe that she is perfect for you. Also, since she is the last candidate, you have to marry her or …”
“Wait!!” screamed Vasooli. “I will marry her, no matter what. Call my Dream Girl.”
Sagar walked to the door and took a bow before opening the door with a flourish to let in the final candidate. She was……………..the librarian from Sion Hospital.
“AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” screamed Vasooli and jumped out of the window. He hit the pavement outside with a loud thud. He broke 4 ribs, his skull, his pelvis, his right femur and most of the bones in his hands and feet. The 5 people he fell on died instantly.
He was rushed to The QuackDoc Multispeciality Hospital where his life was saved by editor Garg, who had to himself give him CPR and mouth to mouth along with other resuscitative measures. After he had regained consciousness, he shared his sad story with Dr. Garg who has been kind enough to give all these details to this reporter.
Taking responsibility of this incident, MUHS will henceforth print a warning on the prospectus,” Taking up a career in medicine may be injurious to health, read The QuackDoc for further information.”